Karel Chapek
	A RESETTLEMENT AGENCY
	"... indeed, I still don't know how this will be realized,
but a technical solution can always be found, once the idea is
good and it promises decent profits. And, sir, this idea of mine
will make incredible money, if only someone can help me find out
those mundane practical details guaranteeing its impeccable
implementation. But that, as I am telling you, will come
naturally.
	How can I explain it to you clearly ... Look here, you don't
like, for example, the street that you live in; let us say that
it smells bad from the sugar refinery, or it is very noisy and
you can't sleep well, or simply because conditions there are not
the best; in short, one day you say to yourself that it does not
suit you. So, what do you do in that case? You try to find an
apartment in another street, you rent a truck for your furniture
and you move into your new residence, right? That is such a
simple thing. All good ideas, sir, are basically very simple.
	Imagine now, that you, or some other people, don't like
living in our century. There are such people who prefer silence
and tranquility; there are people who get sick from reading in
the papers every day that there is, or there will be, a war, that
somewhere someone has been put to death, or, God knows where,
several hundred, or several thousand people have killed each
other. What you need for all that is nerves, sir, and many cannot
endure it. There are people who hate to know that violence is
every day taking place in this world and they ask themselves: why
am I forced to bear all that? I am a civilized, peaceful family
man, I have children and I don't want them to grow up in such a
mixed-up and de..., how shall I put it..., depraved and uncertain
world, isn't it so? There are quite a few people like that, sir,
and besides, if you yourself look around, you'll see that a man
cannot be really certain of anything today: not for his life, not
for his position, not for his money, and not even for his family;
and it is quite true that in any case, life was more secure
before than it is today. In brief, there are many serious people
who do not like our time, and some are even disgusted and
unhappy, just as if they are forced to reside on some very bad
back street where it is best if one does not poke his nose out at
all. What can you do? Nothing. And life goes on!
	And that is where I come in, sir, putting in this man's
hands a leaflet from my agency: You don't like the twentieth
century? Ask for my services! I will resettle you in any of the
past centuries that you might like by means of my special
purpose-built vehicles. Not just a journey, but a resettlement
for good! Take your choice of a century in which you think you
would feel best, and with the assistance of my highly qualified
staff I will resettle quickly, inexpensively and safely yourself
and your family, along with your entire furniture! My vehicles
are capable of resettling you wherever you want to go, up to
three hundred years back in the past; and at present we are
working on vehicles whose operational capabilities will exceed
two and even three millennia. For each surmounted year there will
be a payment per kilogram at a certain rate...
	What will be the actual price, I can't say for the time
being, as in fact I still do not have these vehicles which will
do the actual moving through time, but don't you worry, they will
be invented - you just take a pencil and calculate what profits
they will make for you. Except for these vehicles, I have thought
out all additional details. For example, a gentleman comes to me
with a request to be resettled away from this damned century, he
is sick and tired, I repeat, sick and tired of all these chemical
wars, of all those preparations for war, of fascism and all that
"progress" as a whole. I let him vent his anger and then I tell
him: "Help yourself to the leaflets on the different centuries,
sir, and you may have your choice. Here you can have the
nineteenth. The Enlightenment, a bearable oppression, decent
small scale wars; a remarkable blossoming of science,great
opportunities for economic development; we strongly recommend to
you the Beck regime because of the undisturbed calmness and very
humane attitude towards people. Or the eighteenth century,
specially suitable for the connoisseurs of moral values and the
liberty of thought; we recommend it first of all to the so-called
thinkers and intellectuals. Or, in case that you prefer, please,
you may look into the sixth century A. D.; there were indeed
rampant Huns at that time, but then it was possible to hide
yourself in the thick virgin forests; what an idyllic time -
ozone-rich air, fishing and other sports. Or the so-called
persecution of Christians, an age of relative civilization,
intimate catacombs, a defined tolerance toward religion, as well
as toward other issues, no concentration camps,etc. In short, I
would be surprised if a twentieth century man does not choose
another epoch where he could live more freely and more decently;
or if he does not tell to me: sir, if you give me a discount
price, I would prefer to go as far as the stone age. But I will
say: Sorry, our prices are fixed; here, see for yourself how many
applications we have for resettlement in the prehistoric age; we
resettle there our most respected clients only in groups and with
a luggage limit of up to 12 pounds per person; you do understand
that otherwise we wouldn't be able to satisfy all our customers.
The first opportunity we have for sending you to the stone age
will be in the month of April next year, so would you like us to
make a preliminary booking for you?...
	So, as I was saying, sir, this could be a great business; I
am prepared to start immediately with thirty cars and six buses
for group resettlements. I have everything ready for the opening
of the agency, except for the vehicles that will move through
time, but those will be invented by somebody - maybe today, or
maybe  tomorrow, and if I can put it this way, this is going to
be a vital necessity for our educated world."
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