ZDENEK VOLNY

Wife by Questionnaire

Frank Robin

Melon Row 12 287

149 00 PRAGUE 4

To: The Population Reproduction Board

36, National Avenue

111 99, PRAGUE 1

September 21, 2279

Re: Application



Dear Boardpersons,

I beg to request the reproduction of my wife, Dr Mildred Robin, nee
Bird, who passed away in an air accident with a tourist rotobus on
June 28 of last year.

My request is based on the fact that this was an entirely unplanned
accident, the unfortunate consequences of which had not been intended
by the Central Brain. All the passengers, including myself, were
reproduced in accordance with the available opportunities in the weeks
immediately after the accident, as I personally confirmed through a
consultation with the representative of the State Insurance Office, Mr
Joseph Scanner, LLD, who also paid over to me a sum equivalent to my
insurance. My wife, however, received no similar sum, as she has so
for been unable to sign the report of the accident covered by the
insurance.

For the above reasons I request a return to the conditions
appertaining previous to June 28 of last year and trust you will see
your way to granting my request.



Yours obediently,

Frank Robin,



To: Mr Frank Robin,

Melon Row 12 287

149 00, PRAGUE 4

Ref. No. 113 667

December 12, 2279

Dear Sir,

We regret to inform you that the Federal Board of Population
Reproduction has rejected your request of September 21 curr., as the
required duty stamp was not attached. An appeal against this decision
must be lodged within 14 days, otherwise it is automatically
confirmed.

At the same time, may we draw your attention to the ever-increasing
number of unsubstantiated requests for the rejuvenation of partners,
which cannot be conceded to because of pressing current business, as
well as for ethical reasons. The cost of a single rejuvenation process
is usually fixed by the Board at 140, 000 crowns.

Your obedient servant,

Rudolph Intelligent

Minimicro Computer Generation

NB: In your reply always quote our reference number.

Save all waste paper for recycling.





To: The Population Reproduction Board

36, National Avenue

111 99, PRAGUE 1



Dear Boardpersons,

I beg to appeal against your decision of December 12, 2279, reference
number 113 667, for the reasons already given in my letter of
September 21, 2279.

I once more state my request for the reproduction of my wife, Dr.
Mildred Robin, nee Bird, who was burnt to death in an air accident. I
enclose the appropriate duty stamp.



Yours obediently,

Frank Robin





To: Mr Frank Robin,

Melon Row 12 287

149 00, PRAGUE 4

Ref. No. 122 980

January 10, 2280



Dear Sir,

Your appeal has been assessed by the Population Reproduction Board
with a negative result. You yourself, as a citizen, must be well aware
that your request is at odds with the contemporary ethical code,
since instead of the correct and accepted term STRUCTURAL
DISINTEGRATION you employ such shocking vulgarisms as "pass away"
and "burn to death". Any appeals against this decision should be made
within 14 days, as it is otherwise automatically confirmed.

Your obedient servant,

Rudolph Intelligent

Minimicro Computer Generation

NB: In your reply always quote our reference number.

Save all waste paper for recycling.



To: The Population Reproduction Board

National Avenue 36

111 99, PRAGUE 1

Dear Boardpersons,

I beg to appeal against your decision with reference number 122 980.
The structural disintegration of my wife took place unintentionally
and without previous planning and, because of this, I feel it is my
right to request her reproduction.

Yours obediently,

Frank Robin



To: Mr Frank Robin,

Melon Row 12 287

149 00, PRAGUE 4

Ref. No. 197 638

August 7, 2280



Dear Sir,

Your appeal has been assessed by the Federal Board of Population
Reproduction with a positive result. We congratulate you on this.

Further investigation, however, has shown that you yourself were
reproduced in violation of the law, particularly regulation VNO-334
091/2254, which states that individuals born before Jan. 1, 2200, are
not entitled to reproduction, with the exception of special cases,
which are subject to the decisions of the district court.

In the event that you do not submit an application to your district
court, kindly put yourself in readiness for the disintegration
commission, which, on account of pressing business, will be unable to
appear at your address before Nov. 11 curr., between the hours of 8.
00 and 12. 00.

This document can be submitted, in accordance with the employment
regulations, to excuse absence from work.

Your obedient servant,

Rudolph Intelligent

Minimicro Computer Generation

NB: In your reply always quote our reference number.

Save all waste paper for recycling.





To: The Population Reproduction Board

36, National Avenue

111 99, PRAGUE 1

Dear Boardpersons,

I attach a copy of my analytical breakdown which I have forwarded to
the District Court in view of my forthcoming disintegration.

Yours obediently,

Frank Robin

Enc.: 1



To: Mr Frank Robin, Melon Row 12 287

149 00, PRAGUE 4

Ref. No. 207 743

March 15, 2281

Dear Sir,

We acknowledge receipt of your letter dated Sep. 6, 2280. The visit of
the disintegration commission is postponed until a verdict has been
passed.

Enclosed you will find a questionnaire, all four copies of which must
be carefully answered and returned by the end of the current year.
Should you fail to comply with this, the successful reproduction of
your wife cannot be guaranteed.

Your obedient servant,

Rudolph Intelligent

Minimicro Computer Generation

Enc.: 4

NB: In your reply always quote our reference number.

Save all waste paper for recycling.





To: The Population Reproduction Board

36, National Avenue

111 99, PRAGUE 1

Ref. No. 207 743

Dear Boardpersons,

After due consideration I have arrived at the conclusion that the
formulation of certain points in the questionnaire does not permit my
correct completion of it. Such, for example, is the case with Section
12, MAKING ACQUAINTANCE, which gives only the following alternatives:

(a) Planned according to the Program for Complex Expansion of the
Labor Force by the year 2500.

(b) According to Selective Instruction.

alpha: computer center 2075,

beta: computer center 2085;

coded answer: No (0) - Yes (1).

I should like to add, with regard to this problem, that at the
beginning of the present century individuals were still getting
acquainted more or less by chance - although today it seems almost
unbelievable and did cause certain social problems, indeed. A large
proportion of the women with university degrees could not, for
instance, succeed in finding a suitable partner by means of
spontaneous selection, which resulted in considerable losses, especially
of a genetic nature, to society as a whole.

But, more to the point, I actually made the acquaintance of my wife by
this archaic method. She was then employed as a newly-qualified
doctor at the First Surgical Clinic in Ostrava, to which I was brought
by an ambulance in the course of a Banik vs. Ostrava football match.
This was about five years before the so-called First League Soccer
was disbanded due to a total lack of attendance. This, however, was a
good deal less painful than my ankle. You will readily understand that
with a pin in his leg a man can never again be a miraculous center
forward. Such was my case, even though my wife removed the pin later
on. Since there are a number of similarly incomplete sections in the
questionnaire, and for me - after some 50 years of happy marriage -
this is a matter of principle, I enclose some more remarks on the
underlined sections (12, 13, 15, 18, 19, 22-25).

Yours obediently,

Frank Robin







To: Mr Frank Robin,

Melon Row 12 287

149 00, PRAGUE 4

Ref. No. 271 098

October 8, 2281

Dear Sir,

The Board is not interested in the details of your private life. In
order to reproduce your wife faithfully and exactly we require the
relevant information. We thus return the questionnaire so that you
can now complete the sections you wilfully omitted to fill in.

Your obedient servant,

Rudolph Intelligent

Minimicro Computer Generation

Enc.: 4

NB: In your reply always quote our reference number.

Save all waste paper for recycling.





To: The Population Reproduction Board

36, National Avenue

111 99, PRAGUE 1

You're a parcel of ignorant frauds and I'm amazed that I have let you
lead me up the garden path for such a long time - almost three years
by now. Not even my senility can excuse me. I demand immediate
satisfaction - immediate, unless you are willing to figure in the
'Trash of the Year 2282' opinion poll.

Frank Robin



Dr. Mildred Robin,

Melon Row 12 287

149 00, PRAGUE 4

To: The Federal Board

of Population Reproduction

36, National Avenue

111 99, PRAGUE 1

Dear Boardpersons,

I herewith return your letter addressed to my husband Frank Robin,
in whose case a natural disintegration of structure unfortunately
occurred on November 11 of this year.

I feel as if I were born anew. I should like to kindly request
information from you as to where I can secure an Acquaintance
Questionnaire. Is it your Board which issues them? I should be
interested in an introduction according to Selective Instruction beta
(computer center 2085).

Your very obedient servant,

Dr. Mildred Robin-Bird 